Barbie 09
Matt Baney’s “Legends III, Superstar Barbie”
In breathtakingly opulent evening, both informative and dazzling, our
Homecoming Queens prove that, with a lot of hair and makeup, and good corsets,
our Queens do not fade away!
One thing’s certain the Grove loves its queens and they in turn
love their dolls. Or maybe its director extraordinaire Matt Baney who loves
them both. In a remarkably well researched evening Matt gave us a Barbie
history lesson: born in 1959, the
year Charity surprised everyone by graduating high school, 300,000 sold for $3,
her hourglass figure based on foul mouthed promiscuous German cartoon figure
Bild Lilli, traits adopted by our Queens out of respect.
A Flower Girl leads the royal
procession
Director ‘St. Olaf Loganberry Festival Queen’ impresario Aida
Herring (Matt Baney) makes his entrance
He then read the names of beloved HQ’s who could not be with us:
Bluesy Blowhole, Sissy Bloomingpale’s, Charro. James, Lulu, Dale Bailey,
Rhondam Rigo, Goo ma da, Sidonia, Vera, Juanita, Melanie Margearet, Wynn,
Gianna. Luisa Verde, Freeda Chews and 3 Homecoming Kings: Rusty Troccoli, Lynn
Hutton and Cliff Bloomingpale’s
THE PREPARATION
June
Haber – ticket mistress – with a smile!
Why, its
Mickey, what’s he doing here?
There
will seem to be duplicates but too much of a good thing in this case is never
enough
SHOWTIME
The query
(queerie?) is who is the mystery queen?
Through
these portals…THE QUEENS
1976 Panzi the Grove’s first HG “It
took 15 artists to create Barbie’s flawless look, much like Panzi”…later described
by Bella as “the
First
time I saw her she was a skinny bitch, she has come a long way since then - she
is Ireland’s favorite Lassie – I don’t mean the dog”
Panzi
repeats her reign in ’77, “proving anything and everything is for sale at the right
price”
1989 Barbie joins the army becoming an
icon for lesbians throughout the world and Cherry Grove elects Juanita
1990
Philomena is crowned “after careful examination by the judges proves she is, in
fact, a hermaphrodite”.
1995 Legs
LaBohn, aka Sylvia Shapiro, the first glatt kosher HG comes with the rabbinical
seal of approval becoming a role model un the Jewish community and reigns over
several bungalow colonies in the Borscht Belt, She late resigns when Loehman’s
moves out of towni
1996 The
year Ralph Loren designs Barbie in haute couture the Grove elects Timothea,
there’s an irony here!
Very different, she doesn’t walk talk or wear fashion like the rest of us but
she turned out to b e one of best. During rehearsal she wanted to sing in her
own voice, so we found her a better one – you can’t imagine what she
sounded like”
1997
Barbie discovers that Share-A-Smile Becky’s wheelchair doesn’t fit in Dream
House elevator and the Grove elects Cobra (?)
2004 A
woman of many hats, Barbie has had 108 careers in her life, much like this
year’s HG Mandi!
2000 with
the appearance of Mary Kate & Ashley dolls, the Grove elects 2 HQs –
Good & Plenty who prove two wrongs don’t make a right, here we have e one
of the pair Angela Mercy
2001
Following the example of Angelina Jolie kissing her brother at the Oscars,
“here is our French kissing HG” China
2002
Ariel Sinclair makes it to the crown using it as a stepping stone to her
ultimate goal – Miss Pilgrim Psychiatric Center
2003Barbie
as SUoergirl, Barbie as Wonder Woman and Charity being crowned on the 100th anniversary of her win as Miss Fire Island. Bella, “she’s much older than I, after
she sings ‘Big, Blonde & Beautiful’ she takes someone hoe. The Big stays
but the Blonde & Beautiful disappear”.
2004
Paris Hilton’s amateur porn tape is released to the pubic so no one notices the
porn tape starring our HG Queen Donna Piranha
2005
Using her celebrity as HG she reigns over the bar at Cherry’s and under every
other bar, Ivana Cocktail
2006 Justin
Timberlake has the hit “sexy Back” and we have our own sexy back Coco Love who
goes on to be the president o the Arts Project. Guaranteed her cuffs an collar
don’t match!
Like the
best new artist of the year, Amy Winehouse, rehab didn’t help Lola either, our
international Barbie from South America.
Like
Michael Phelps’ swimming I Beijing, our own queen of water sports Margo
2009 this year’s 34th Homecoming Queen, Urban Sprawl, has
“a special affinity to Barbie…both are synthetic and both held up remarkably
well”.
Dan Daly came to our community, a lonesome cowboy looking
for a bride, asking “Why are all the girls in Cherry Grove so doggone queer?”
In his extraordinary style he sang an original song inserting many of the
Queens provocatively.
THE SHOW
Charity once again hit the rafters with her tailor made song
“Big, Blonde and Beautiful”
I Donna Piranha and Ivana declared
“You Don’t Own Me.”
In a soon
to be immortal show stopper the usually glam Bella brought the house down as Susan Boyle, belting out “I Dreamed a Dream,”
Margo
proved her fitness threatening “I told you I was trouble,
you know that I’m no good.”
Angela Mercy, in another feminist
song with a whip and stilettos declared, “The female of the species is more
deadly than the male.”
Philomena offered an odd song ”I’ll
plant my own tree” (?)
Even
China performed “Diamond are a Girl’s Best Friend”
Ever tasteful as usual Ariel
Sinclair demonstrated her hit “My vagina is eight miles wide,”
In another show biz rarity, the
usually mute Cobra boasted “I’m Still Here.”
Urban
Sprawl as Ken seemed unable to resist the advances of the girls gradually
stripping to reveal….he had no balls
ACT II
In
another show stopper Panzi, mourning the memory of Max Killingworth with “My Heart Will Go On and On,” toked on
some helium and brought the house down as her voice got higher and weirder
Timothea lectured “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar,” (if only we had the sound
tract) till HQ 1994 “Doctor” Joan Van Ness/Scarlett Oh! escorted her back to the asylum.
Hot
tamale Lola flamenco-ed “I Will Survive” in Spanish
“Mambo Italiano,” Ivanna Cocktail was
wholesome waitress tossing pasta into the crowd until…….. until
she revealed her sexier underside
Sylvia, as Ann-Margret sang, “Bye,
Bye, Birdie” (i.e. “Bye, bye, 30”) to the decades: 30, 40 and 50 years of age
Joan kept
Coco modest and ”Pretty in Pink”
FINALE
– BIG FINISH
TAKE YOUR
BOWS
Alison, Craig Williams, Michael Romanelli, Sherri Rase, Arthur
Cohen, Martha, and Wendy Lewis as tech and stage crew took their bows in a very
complicated fast moving show. Harold Seeley and George “Will” McGarvey designed
the sets
OK HERE
IT COMES
They Said
I coud use the flash
So this
is the big payoff:
